I want to write more

I feel that fitting writing and working out into my schedule is vital for my existence on planet earth. I'm not sure why I can't find enough time in the day. I'm unemployed at this point. I have a trip to ATL coming up. I guess once I return and finals are over, I can attempt to give my self a fresh start. I need to write more. I figure if I set goals this may help but for some reason I write goals down, and lose track of the goals sheet. I guess you can say apart of goals should be to accomplish some type of self exhilarating change that motivates me. I need motivated. I miss the arts. I miss writing. I miss sketching. In my dreams I write a poetry book that includes my sketches, I dreamed of this sense child hood. I don't want to put my dreams on hold because my mother made me a firm believer in following you dreams. I guess writing this is the first step. I promise myself that I will get to know her better, I'm sure the rest will fall in place.

Changes

I'm going through a lot of changes. I'm not sure which way I want to turn. I desire her, but she know longer wants me to quench her thirst. Yet, I still remain wet and ready to satisfy a need that is not there. I built my self up on freedom of speech but my speech has been muted. Finally, I feel defeated. Not by the big dicks of society but by love. In the beginning I was feeling betrayed and unconfident but then I realized that just like in the past, I found some one more interesting or more appealing, maybe she has those emotions. Maybe this is my karma for not treating women the greatest. Maybe finally when I think, things are perfect love turns around and slaps me back to being single. At this point I flirt often but find myself just manipulating words and my sincerity running low. I don't know what I want to do. I just know that I want to be successful. And not in the latest hook type of way. I want this to be my reality. Emotions will always run through my veins and want to acquire eye candy to match my persona. But at this point, I just really want to be able to take care of my self and enjoy life. If the love of my life decides that I'm worth it and we cross paths I will take advantage but I'm not looking. It feels so good to no longer be upset and accept what a person gives you. The next step is going to be amazing . I can feel it.

Grad School

I'm currently in graduate school. The work in intense yet very informative. It feels good to have a purpose and something to do.