I want to write more

I feel that fitting writing and working out into my schedule is vital for my existence on planet earth. I'm not sure why I can't find enough time in the day. I'm unemployed at this point. I have a trip to ATL coming up. I guess once I return and finals are over, I can attempt to give my self a fresh start. I need to write more. I figure if I set goals this may help but for some reason I write goals down, and lose track of the goals sheet. I guess you can say apart of goals should be to accomplish some type of self exhilarating change that motivates me. I need motivated. I miss the arts. I miss writing. I miss sketching. In my dreams I write a poetry book that includes my sketches, I dreamed of this sense child hood. I don't want to put my dreams on hold because my mother made me a firm believer in following you dreams. I guess writing this is the first step. I promise myself that I will get to know her better, I'm sure the rest will fall in place.

Changes

I'm going through a lot of changes. I'm not sure which way I want to turn. I desire her, but she know longer wants me to quench her thirst. Yet, I still remain wet and ready to satisfy a need that is not there. I built my self up on freedom of speech but my speech has been muted. Finally, I feel defeated. Not by the big dicks of society but by love. In the beginning I was feeling betrayed and unconfident but then I realized that just like in the past, I found some one more interesting or more appealing, maybe she has those emotions. Maybe this is my karma for not treating women the greatest. Maybe finally when I think, things are perfect love turns around and slaps me back to being single. At this point I flirt often but find myself just manipulating words and my sincerity running low. I don't know what I want to do. I just know that I want to be successful. And not in the latest hook type of way. I want this to be my reality. Emotions will always run through my veins and want to acquire eye candy to match my persona. But at this point, I just really want to be able to take care of my self and enjoy life. If the love of my life decides that I'm worth it and we cross paths I will take advantage but I'm not looking. It feels so good to no longer be upset and accept what a person gives you. The next step is going to be amazing . I can feel it.

Grad School

I'm currently in graduate school. The work in intense yet very informative. It feels good to have a purpose and something to do.

Greetings

Recently, I decided that I wanted to write again. I wanted to tell my story, through a daily reflection. So here it is. The date is August 2, 2009. It is 10 days until my birthday, which will mark 23 years of existence for me. It has been 2 years sense my mother passed. I think about her every day, especially around this time of year. However, I know that she has to be in a better place. I doubt heaven has a recession of monetary value and realism. It’s amazing how we think we hold reality in our hands with technology but as a people, we are swallowed by trends and luxury. Currently, I’m trying to save up enough money to support my existence. I start back to work tomorrow morning. I have been unemployed the past 2 mothers, living and breathing the recession with the love of my life. However, we made it and now the money flow is starting back up. Sometimes you have to crawl before you walk. I guess its safe to say, during every obstacle, something is gained and something may be lost.

Brandon L. Byes Aug. 5, 1985- Jan 18, 2008

A year ago, I was in love with your smile. You taught me Greek lingo, hugged and smelled me every day. You were so spiritual, yet you were human. We worked together, clubbed together, strolled together, were “discreet” together, had class together, and ate together. I remember you telling me that you could never be what you literally loved but your spirit and love were all that mattered. I remember when you would come in to class later but still make it know that you were present. I will always remember your "interest meeting" at my house in the gardens and the pillow talk night. I know you rest in peace, a year later I reflect on your ability to make every one shine and stand in the light, your light. I love you Brandon L. Byes. You will be missed. You are missed, and your memory gooes on.

Check him out at http://www.freewebs.com/founderpics/

Hello, 2009

I woke up this morning, comparing society to my self. Wondering where I could fit it and who would be the one to make a difference in my life. Often I am told that I have a positive attitude and with that I can go far, well as far as my heart is content, however often I fall into self doubt. I look around me and I think can I live past my own expectations. Can I build a future that is invaluable to extreme circumstances? College was just the beginning of adulthood, now I am living and breathing the everyday life of work and no play. Looking for time to write and progress on other goals in my life, after and before work. However, my job does require some commitment, I am happy that it is laid back and that I still have time to express my self. It is a new year, and I am not going to say that I am a new me, I am going to say that I will to try to improve me, as I always have.

I will live my life the way I always have, pulling together some things that I think often are close to falling apart, setting goals and completing them. I have a goal to get into graduate school, so I am beginning my portfolio. I have always considered my self a story teller; however I have a passion for poetry. I was hoping by being a creative writing minor in college that I would have been able to distinguish by now, what genre I really have a passion for and today I finally have the answer. I love poetry, spoken word to be exact however I am a story teller, so I will concentrate the next few months on fiction. I will write short stories, develop characters and gathering 25 pages of glory for a portfolio that will be the first step to my dream of becoming a professor. Within in this time I will also be preparing for the GRE and getting use to having a roommate. The love of my life and I have moved in together. Preparing for progression and getting use to life with just us. Good bye 2008, hello 2009 and see you soon future.

Depth

My opinions change drastically and I am often a confusion to my lovers. See the thing is I get bored easily. I love a challenge and the wanting of a relationship however being it is can be the "boring part". However, this time something is different. Maybe it is my progression or growth. Or maybe it is the fact that I waited and wanted for so long. I have grown to understand that being with one women is beautiful and that the quality of women that I seek, is an expression of my dreams. The reality of the situation is that I once was a heart breaker and now I'm a shaken heart, preparing for the worse, staying optimistic and loving all at the same time.